It has been too long since I have last written anything. Life has become such a complication of things - complex in its highs and lows. I have found that I could never have predicted what has come my way, not in a million years. I have been graciously spared the horrible effects of a disease called Polycystic Kidney Disease. This fall I was contacted by a sibling on my father's side (one that I was vaguely aware of, so you can imagine all of the emotions surrounding this encounter). In a short period of time, I was made aware that I have 15 siblings on this side of my DNA. Almost too much to comprehend. The weeks that surrounded this encounter were filled with a great deal of emotion. As I researched what this horrible disease does, fears filled my every cavity. It was such a strange juxtaposition because fear was side-by-side with my faith that God is definitely in control - no matter the outcome. They can and do exist simultaneously some times - fear and faith.
Anyway, I had to undergo testing that involved a blood test to determine how my kidneys were functioning and an ultrasound of my kidneys. Of course, these two things couldn't happen on the same day, so I waited about 3 days in between. Torture. But, finally, relief. I was given a clean bill of health. I am so grateful that I do not pass this horrible disease on to my children. Thoughts of them and how this would impact them haunted me into the wee hours of the morning. Nights were incredibly difficult. Suffice it to say, I am glad that is over. I am grateful that both William and I have been spared. My brother had to endure the same array of emotions over the several weeks, and I could hear the fear in his voice and the strain of the "what if's". We both give God the glory that He spared us of this!
With THAT out of the way, my mind could clear and concentrate on the enormity of what had opened to us. 15 siblings. Wow! It seemed that each day in the weeks that followed, I would have a friend request on Facebook of a new relation. I never thought that I would know them. I knew they could be out there, but since Mom's death really believed that door was closed. And, I was ok with that. I had come to terms with that several years ago when I had tried searching for information on my father and hit road block after road block. I had the overwhelming sense that some doors are better left closed. And closed it remained until September 2011.
This Christmas (December 28th) William and I and our spouses had the opportunity to meet my sister Marilyn and her daughter and son-in-law. I had spoken with Marilyn once on the phone to discuss a plan to meet and then on Facebook back and forth. But, I can't explain the feeling of joy that I had when she came around the corner at the restaurant, huge smile on her face. My heart melted, my fears subsided. I liked her instantly. Her daughter and son-in-law couldn't have been kinder. We had a great visit, in spite of some very painful information about our father and brother. I am still grappling with what was said that night.
All this to say that I trust in God's timing. I didn't ask for this door to be open. But it is. Time will tell if I will fully understand why it is open. I have a big heart and already love those that I have met. So, I close with how I started this blog: life is complex - both in its highs and in its lows.